Don’t Fuck With My Friends.

Don’t Fuck With My Friends.

Community Most Popular Posts Motivation + Inspiration Shift Of Power

Don’t fuck with my friends. Do not hurt them or tell them they are crazy.

They are not.

Don’t fuck with my friends. Don’t swindle, peddle, take, or steal.

And don’t you DARE break their hearts.

Don’t fuck with my friends.

Don’t lead them to believe they have bad judgement, draw negativity, attract the wrong people or jobs or circumstances. Do not take advantage of their immense capacity to feel and their great power to give. They are so very special and so extremely delicate in all their strength. Although they don’t let on, I know they’re just as easily bruised as you or I. More, even. Because to know the highest highs, one must also be capable of experiencing the lowest lows.

They know it all.

Don’t fuck with my friends. Don’t ignore them; don’t place blame on them for your own demons.

Don’t make them cry.

Don’t fuck with my friends. Don’t insult and don’t make them feel un-talented, un-beautiful, not-thin-enough or not-sexy-enough or not-worthy-enough of greatness. Pulling them down does absolutely nothing to raise yourself up, even though that’s your alternate agenda. It’s so much easier to throw your pain at someone else, anyone else, instead of sitting with it as it slowly transforms. And even if you’re self-aware enough to know, even if it is SO obvious that all you are doing is pummeling them with the trash piling up in your soul, they can’t necessarily see or accept that. They are IN it. They hurt.

I don't want appropriate. I want real. Click To Tweet

I can hug, I can talk, I can cry alongside them. But I can’t heal them from your sickled sword and it enrages me that I’d even have to. They are stardust and sunshine, the waves in the ocean and the dew that helps the flowers grow. They are the hope of a new day and the long exhale as the week ends. They’re the birds you can barely hear chirping over the car horns and angry screams, but you know they’re there, and the knowing is a sort of comfort in the chaotic entanglement of city cacophony. They’re newsprint on your fingers, a souvenir from the adventures of a curious mind. They’re the giggle you can’t quite stuff down and the tears that come whether “appropriate” or not.

To hell with appropriate. I don’t want appropriate. I want real.

I want the laughs and the tears and the talks till 1am that can’t wait a second longer. I want the waves and the dew and the bird songs even if I can’t always hear them. I want the charcoal on my fingers, delicate stains from a morning well spent, and questions asked, and a mind expanded just by saying yes, I will turn that page.

Don’t fuck with my friends – because they are the ones who are making this world come alive.

friends women againt negative talk katie horwitch


This post was originally published on october 8, 2012.

WANTcast 080: Becoming the First Best Version of Yourself (Season Four Finale)

WANTcast 080: Becoming the First Best Version of Yourself (Season Four Finale)

the WANTcast

In today’s SEASON FINALE, two listeners ask about finding confidence and self-love again, and finding positive communities when all people want to do is bond over negativity. There’s a common theme in the answers to both of these – and it has to do with how you become the first-best version of yourself instead of the second-best version of someone else.

**This is the SEASON FINALE of Season 4! Thank you so much for helping the WANTcast grow and evolve over the last almost-four years. We’ll be taking a break over the summer and coming back stronger than ever in August with Season Five.**

WANT yourself:

SHOW NOTES:
• Sign up for The (Good) Word, our monthly email digest
 Check out She’s The First, this season’s spotlight
 Let’s be friends on Instagram!

Like this episode? Take a screenshot + share on social, leave a review on iTunes, share it on Facebook, tweet it out on Twitter, or post it on Instagram. Be sure to use the hashtags #WANTcast and #womenagainstnegativetalk!

The Friend Commandments.

The Friend Commandments.

Community Most Popular Posts Motivation + Inspiration
Love should be shared when you feel it. Click To Tweet


COMMANDMENT #1:
I will tell you I love you, and I will tell you often. I will tell you I love you, and I will tell you from the heart. Because love should be shared when you feel it. You deserve love, and hearing the words “I Love You” shouldn’t be reserved for certain loves and not others.


COMMANDMENT #2:
I will have your back through light, dark, and especially in-between. I will not feed off your drama. I will not just show up when life is amazing. Oprah once said “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” I’ll take the bus, the limo, the Lyft, the Uber…even the subway car that’s suspiciously empty (because I agree that sometimes a subway car with no AC is better than a well-ventilated train but standing-room-only one).


COMMANDMENT #3: I will celebrate your successes as my successes.
I will feel your losses as my losses. When you win, WE win.  I will show up, and I will show up HARD. And when I don’t know how you need me to show up, I will ASK instead of GUESSING.


COMMANDMENT #4:
That being said – I might disappear but I will never disengage. Sometimes I need time to myself to figure life out. I might not be physically present as much as I’d like to be, but I’m still there. I am showing up for myself so I can show up for you, too.


COMMANDMENT #5: I will tell you when you hurt me, and I will tell you when I disagree,
and I will tell you not because “I say what’s on my mind whether you like it or not,” but because it’s in service of our friendship and of our individual growth. Not because my opinion is what matters. Because clarity is.


COMMANDMENT #6:
I will not worship you or idolize you. I will not put you on a sky-high pedestal or treat you as untouchable. We are equals. I will respect you deeply, love you fiercely, and believe in you with an endless well of belief. But I will not think of you as above me, or better than me.

 

I will respect you deeply, love you fiercely, and believe in you with an endless well of belief. But I will not think of you as above me, or better than me. Click To Tweet

 

COMMANDMENT #7: I will not put Me on a pedestal. I will not stand for being worshipped, idolized, or treated as untouchable. We are equals. I will respect myself deeply, love myself fiercely, and believe in myself with an endless well of belief. But I will not think of me as above you, or better than you.


COMMANDMENT #8: I won’t make fun of you “out of love” or “because I can.”
Tearing you down, even in jest, isn’t healthy – it’s hurtful. I’m here to build you up, especially when those voices inside of your head are tearing you down. Even if you don’t let on, I know they’re there. Because I’ve got them too. I’m here to help them learn to speak another language.


COMMANDMENT #9:
I will remember. I will remember things that matter to you. I will remember the things you tell me, because they’re the relics that help tell the story of your life. And, when life gets in the way – you might need me to remember on your behalf one day, when life feels like much too much of a weight to even remember how to remember.

I will love you because you are YOU, and our differences are to be celebrated, not criticized. Click To Tweet


COMMANDMENT #10:
I will love you for you, and expect from you what you actually have to offer instead of expecting you to be my twin – or expecting you to be some fabricated version of you I’ve made up in my head. I will love you for you, and that means that even if I disagree with how you view politics, or when you speak up and when you stay silent, or your thoughts on societal institutions, or how you think Shake Shack is better than In-And-Out. I will love you because you are YOU, and our differences are to be celebrated, not criticized. I will love you for you for all the ways we’re similar and all the ways we’re not, and I will love you because it’s the combo of the two that makes Lifers, makes us Soulies, and makes us exactly who we are.

 

friends friendship best friends

WANTcast 070: Being Afraid Of The Friends That You Need

WANTcast 070: Being Afraid Of The Friends That You Need

the WANTcast

Friendship, just like any relationship, is a risk. Will they like me? Will I fit in? And while certain aspects of adulthood make friend-finding more challenging, there’s a self-awareness we have as adults that lends itself to some of the most important, fulfilling connections of our lives. That self-awareness can also be our biggest enemy.

In today’s episode, we talk about finding female friends that are your SOUL friends, and finding communities in which you feel like you truly BELONG. What holds us back from being in the types of communities and friendships we long for, and how to take steps to create the kinds of bonds that are fulfilling, rich, and real.

SHOW NOTES:
New York Times article – Why Is It Hard To Make Friends Over 30?
WSJ article – The Science Of Making Friends
WANT post – It’s Not About The Bestie
Sign up for The (Good) Word, our monthly email digest
Let’s be friends on Instagram!

Every season, we’ll be spotlighting an organization that’s making strides when it comes to making shift happen. This season, we’re proud to support She’s The First, an award-winning non-profit organization that fights gender inequality through education. To learn more, go to shesthefirst.org


Like this episode? Take a screenshot + share on social, leave a review on iTunes, share it on Facebook, tweet it out on Twitter, or post it on Instagram. Be sure to use the hashtags #WANTcast and #womenagainstnegativetalk!

WANTcast 067: Rethinking Influence, Impact + Healing with Jessica Murnane

WANTcast 067: Rethinking Influence, Impact + Healing with Jessica Murnane

the WANTcast

This episode should be subtitled “The Conversation That Gave Me A Vulnerability Hangover.” And that’s exactly why I love talking to Jessica – she’s a pro at being kind, inclusive, AND pushing you to examine your belief and your norms at the same time.

Jessica Murnane is an author, women’s health advocate, host of the One Part Podcast, and founder of endometriosis awareness platform Know Your Endo AND One Part Plant, a movement that’s all about eating one plant-based meal a day to make a big difference from small changes.


In this episode Jessica and I talk about depression, moving through mental and physical health struggles (especially in our “sharing” culture), her endometriosis advocacy, being an influencer vs having influence, fitting in with the other people in your industry, how the new-age wellness industry can step up their game and how YOU can help, and – my favorite – making change happen and creating impact out there in the world, FAR from the online space.


WANT Jessica:

Show Notes:
Jessica Murnane + One Part Plant
One Part Podcast
Know Your Endo (sign up for the course here!)
The WANTcast, Episode 010: On Letting Go Of The Life Weight
WANTcast 028: On Fixing Others, Food Issues, Forgiveness + Feeling Fly As F**k (No Matter What)
Dr. Aviva Rohm on the One Part Podcast

 

Every season, we’ll be spotlighting an organization that’s making strides when it comes to making shift happen. This season, we’re proud to support She’s The First, an award-winning non-profit organization that fights gender inequality through education. To learn more, go to shesthefirst.org


Like this episode? Take a screenshot + share on social, leave a review on iTunes, share it on Facebook, tweet it out on Twitter, or post it on Instagram. Be sure to use the hashtags #WANTcast and #womenagainstnegativetalk!

WANTcast 063: Let Go and Let GOAL with Goal Coach Jacki Carr

WANTcast 063: Let Go and Let GOAL with Goal Coach Jacki Carr

the WANTcast

Jacki Carr is a goal coach, writer, motivational speaker, and co-founder of Rock Your Bliss, which offers radical coaching to help you design a life that…well…rocks your bliss. As a leader in transformation, her coaching style includes real + honest conversations and true connection to your most powerful and whole self.

She is a Lightyear Leadership faculty member, helping people to lead themselves to leave a legacy of their own design. She has worked with companies such as Patagonia, lululemon and NIKE on Leadership and Personal Responsibility. She believes in a World where we all truly belong and each and every one of us has unique gifts to contribute.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• What’s the anatomy of a good goal?
• How to goal set BIG if you’re good at the micro/immediate goals, and SMALL if youre a big-picture person
• How to be a goal GETTER instead of just a goal SETTER
• Moving forward after failure: what to do when you set a goal and don’t achieve it
• Post-goal life: what do you do after you get the thing you wanted?
• Goals with negative language – are they okay?
• Goal laziness and goal obsessiveness

Plus building community LATER in life, and friends vs community – how to find your people when it feels like everyone else has found theirs.

WANT Jacki:

Words are just words until we attach meaning to them. - @jackicarr Click To Tweet
I use the word failure often. Because the more I use it, the less I'm afraid of it. - @jackicarr Click To Tweet

SHOW NOTES:
Jacki’s site
Instagram
Facebook
Twitter
Rock Your Bliss
Episode 006
Lightyear Leadership
Living Beautifully With Uncertainty And Change
Core Values Word Bank

Like this episode? Take a screenshot + share on social, leave a review on iTunes, share it on Facebook, tweet it out on Twitter, or post it on Instagram. Be sure to use the hashtags #WANTcast and #womenagainstnegativetalk!

This week’s WANTcast is sponsored by Care/of, a monthly subscription vitamin service that delivers completely personalized vitamin and supplement packs right to your door. Take advantage of this month’s special New Year offer! For 50% off your first month of personalized Care/of vitamins, go to TakeCareOf.com and enter WANT50.