The Friend Commandments.

The Friend Commandments.

Body

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COMMANDMENT #1:
I will tell you I love you, and I will tell you often. I will tell you I love you, and I will tell you from the heart. Because love should be shared when you feel it. You deserve love, and hearing the words “I Love You” shouldn’t be reserved for certain loves and not others.


COMMANDMENT #2:
I will have your back through light, dark, and especially in-between. I will not feed off your drama. I will not just show up when life is amazing. Oprah once said “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” I’ll take the bus, the limo, the Lyft, the Uber…even the subway car that’s suspiciously empty (because I agree that sometimes a subway car with no AC is better than a well-ventilated train but standing-room-only one).


COMMANDMENT #3: I will celebrate your successes as my successes.
I will feel your losses as my losses. When you win, WE win.  I will show up, and I will show up HARD. And when I don’t know how you need me to show up, I will ASK instead of GUESSING.


COMMANDMENT #4:
That being said – I might disappear but I will never disengage. Sometimes I need time to myself to figure life out. I might not be physically present as much as I’d like to be, but I’m still there. I am showing up for myself so I can show up for you, too.


COMMANDMENT #5: I will tell you when you hurt me, and I will tell you when I disagree,
and I will tell you not because “I say what’s on my mind whether you like it or not,” but because it’s in service of our friendship and of our individual growth. Not because my opinion is what matters. Because clarity is.


COMMANDMENT #6:
I will not worship you or idolize you. I will not put you on a sky-high pedestal or treat you as untouchable. We are equals. I will respect you deeply, love you fiercely, and believe in you with an endless well of belief. But I will not think of you as above me, or better than me.

I will respect you deeply, love you fiercely, and believe in you with an endless well of belief. But I will not think of you as above me, or better than me. Click To Tweet

COMMANDMENT #7: I will not put Me on a pedestal. I will not stand for being worshipped, idolized, or treated as untouchable. We are equals. I will respect myself deeply, love myself fiercely, and believe in myself with an endless well of belief. But I will not think of me as above you, or better than you.


COMMANDMENT #8: I won’t make fun of you “out of love” or “because I can.”
Tearing you down, even in jest, isn’t healthy – it’s hurtful. I’m here to build you up, especially when those voices inside of your head are tearing you down. Even if you don’t let on, I know they’re there. Because I’ve got them too. I’m here to help them learn to speak another language.


COMMANDMENT #9:
I will remember. I will remember things that matter to you. I will remember the things you tell me, because they’re the relics that help tell the story of your life. And, w life gets in the way – you might need me to remember on your behalf one day, when life feels like much too much of a weight to even remember how to remember.

I will love you because you are YOU, and our differences are to be celebrated, not criticized. Click To Tweet


COMMANDMENT #10:
I will love you for you, and expect from you what you actually have to offer instead of expecting you to be my twin – or expecting you to be some fabricated version of you I’ve made up in my head. I will love you for you, and that means that even if I disagree with how you view politics, or when you speak up and when you stay silent, or your thoughts on societal institutions, or how you think Shake Shack is better than In-And-Out. I will love you because you are YOU, and our differences are to be celebrated, not criticized. I will love you for you for all the ways we’re similar and all the ways we’re not, and I will love you because it’s the combo of the two that makes Lifers, makes us Soulies, and makes us exactly who we are.

friends friendship best friends

WANTcast 071: The Right Way To Make A Difference with Christen Brandt of She’s The First

WANTcast 071: The Right Way To Make A Difference with Christen Brandt of She’s The First

the WANTcast

Christen is a feminist, an activist, a self-defense instructor, and co-founder of She’s the First, a non-profit that fights gender inequality through education.

She’s the First began as a grassroots movement in 2009, and has since grown into a worldwide movement with programs in 21 countries. STF partners with local organizations to support programming for girls, including training and grants for capacity building; the organization also trains students on more than 200 high schools and universities in 10 countries to be gender activists.

Christen has spearheaded change by leading focus groups on uncovering reasons for high drop-out rates in West Africa, creating a framework for understanding community priorities in rural Nepal, and consulting on pregnancy policies in Uganda. Above all else, Christen works to ensure that girls’ voices are heard first.

In this episode, we talk about how to find your change-making sweet spot and direction, the power of providing education, examining privilege and using it for good, misconceptions around how to make an impact (I learned a new word: voluntourism!) and so much more.

SHOW NOTES:
She’s The First
STF on Instagram
Christen’s website
@cjbrandt on Instagram
@cjbrandt on Twitter
@nowhitesaviors on Instagram
The Center for Anti-Violence Education


This episode is sponsored by Let [A Podcast] Out. Wanna start your own podcast but don’t know where to begin? Let [A Podcast] Out is a comprehensive workshop for anyone looking to host, produce, and launch a podcast of their own. This 8 module workshop is designed to answer every question you have about podcasting. Former WANTcast guest Katie Dalebout is the OG of podcasting and the person I go to when I’m feeling lost or alone in this crazy podcasting world. Her goal is to make the whole pod process easier to navigate, and to help you dial down the logistics so you can focus on crafting the best content.

Head over to LetAPodcastOut.club and Use code WANT for $25 off the course.

WANTcast 070: Being Afraid Of The Friends That You Need

WANTcast 070: Being Afraid Of The Friends That You Need

the WANTcast

Friendship, just like any relationship, is a risk. Will they like me? Will I fit in? And while certain aspects of adulthood make friend-finding more challenging, there’s a self-awareness we have as adults that lends itself to some of the most important, fulfilling connections of our lives. That self-awareness can also be our biggest enemy.

In today’s episode, we talk about finding female friends that are your SOUL friends, and finding communities in which you feel like you truly BELONG. What holds us back from being in the types of communities and friendships we long for, and how to take steps to create the kinds of bonds that are fulfilling, rich, and real.

SHOW NOTES:
New York Times article – Why Is It Hard To Make Friends Over 30?
WSJ article – The Science Of Making Friends
WANT post – It’s Not About The Bestie
Sign up for The (Good) Word, our monthly email digest
Let’s be friends on Instagram!

Every season, we’ll be spotlighting an organization that’s making strides when it comes to making shift happen. This season, we’re proud to support She’s The First, an award-winning non-profit organization that fights gender inequality through education. To learn more, go to shesthefirst.org


Like this episode? Take a screenshot + share on social, leave a review on iTunes, share it on Facebook, tweet it out on Twitter, or post it on Instagram. Be sure to use the hashtags #WANTcast and #womenagainstnegativetalk!

The Names We Call Ourselves.

The Names We Call Ourselves.

Community Most Popular Posts Motivation + Inspiration WANT Women

Think back on the times your negative self-talk has started to act up. What was it usually trying to tell you? What did it signal?

Teaching yourself a new language, whether it’s Spanish or Self-Respect, is a process. Sometimes it’s as simple as going word by word. Phrase by phrase. And at the end of the day – it’s all just me, telling myself what to believe.

Yoga teacher, artist, and cancer survivor Sarah Girard is a pro at name-calling. Today, she shares with us how her name-calling began, the way her narrative evolved, and how we can each reexamine the most important names there are: the ones we call ourselves.

 

sarah girard


Hi.

I’m Sarah G.

The biblical meaning of Sarah is “Princess.” The American meaning is “Happy.” I’ve got a lot of Sarah-competition out there in the world. Sara(h) been one of the Top 100 baby names for decades, and in my generation alone, my fellow Sara(h)s and I reached Top 10 status.

My friends have always coupled my last name’s initial onto my name. Always. They can’t call me by my first name alone – there are always a few of us around. Partly because of this, I have always had a strong urge to set myself apart, to be unique rather than grouped together with my name-twins.

But as it turns out, I didn’t need to work all that hard to be “different.”

~

When I was two years old, I was diagnosed with a rare form of eye cancer called Retinablastoma. My eye was surgically removed and now I wear a prosthetic. I was so young when this trauma occurred, that I have many memories of growing up in and out of the hospital. And I have even more memories and experiences of how others have responded over the years when I tell them what I have been going through.

There is a darkness to being “different.” We might think (or at least hope) that kids wouldn’t make fun of the sick kid with the prosthetic, and that adults wouldn’t look at her with pity and shame as if she’s a lost pet. But kids are the most brutal about the things that they don’t understand and adults pity the things they wish would never happen to themselves.

Sicko.
Weirdo.
Freak.
Oh what a tragedy!
You poor soul!
How miserable your childhood must’ve been!

Hearing it repetitively over and over for decades makes it really hard not to believe. So I started identifying with their reactions, naming myself with the same rejection and shame that was being reflected to me.

I was a sick, poor soul. A freak. A tragedy. I desperately wanted to fit in, so I tried to disappear in the sea of other girls with my name. If I could just be Another Sarah, I could escape being Me.

I ducked my head down into books to avoid stares and questions. I became committed to over-achieving at school. I got smarter. Way smarter. If I could outwit the bully, then I could overcome the bully.

But the thing about getting smarter is that I started learning who the bully actually was. The bully wasn’t other people, though they contributed to it. It was all the discomfort and rejection inside myself that I had been holding onto like a safety blanket. I wasn’t able to accept the kid inside me who desperately wanted to fit in, and at the same time, would always be different.

The more I learned and processed, the more my perspective shifted. I noticed that I wasn’t the only one hurting herself through negative talk. I started seeing that we were all doing it.

And we need to change it.

We are all hurting.

We have all made mistakes.

We have all hurt someone.

And we are all hopeful and desperate to be seen and accepted.

We are here, belonging to this group called “humanity,” that feels so deeply and craves true connection.

The names we call ourselves matter so much more than the names other people call us. -Sarah Girard Click To Tweet

The great thing is that time moves us along: we graduate, relationships change and our lives evolve. We learn how to adapt, and have the opportunity to learn how to work with our past, not against it. Every now and then I’ll get a sinking feeling in my stomach when I meet someone new and have to tell them about my eye, fearing they’ll call me a freak. But I’ve got this. I can introduce myself with kindness and acceptance, knowing I’m not alone in this.

Let me take a moment to also say that I am extremely thankful to be here and for the expert doctors who saved my life. The cancer never spread to the rest of my body. And I am grateful to my family for always encouraging me to live fully empowered disregarding my handicap as a weakness.

I have stopped calling myself Freak and started taking on other names: Sister, Daughter, Artist, Yogi, Educator. And these are names I love so much. They connect me to my communities, but they also help me stand out on my own.

~

The names we call ourselves matter so much more than the names other people call us. That being said, I do love my given name. Call me by it. I’ll answer.

It’s simple but stands for so much.

Royalty. Happiness. And ALL my story encompasses.

So hello. It’s me. Sarah G.

 

sarah girard


Sarah Girard is a Venice Beach-born, NYC-based yoga and meditation teacher. Being a cancer survivor, artist, and food lover, she incorporates resiliency, courage and humor in her on-going group, corporate, and private classes. Over the past two decades, Sarah has studied with leaders such as Bryan Kest, Annie Carpenter, Maty Ezraty, Leslie Kaminoff, and Nikki Costello, and accumulated over 1000 RYT hours. As the Director of Meditation and Yoga Fundamentals for Culture of Fit, she created corporate wellness programs which are implemented in companies nation-wide. Her writings have been published for Yoga City NYC, Prevention Magazine, Self, and is an ongoing expert consultant for Furthermore. As an educator, she is always learning and celebrates the challenges we greet in our daily lives. Find her on Instagram.


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WANTcast 069: Orthorexia, Explained…And What Worked For Me When I’d Had Enough

WANTcast 069: Orthorexia, Explained…And What Worked For Me When I’d Had Enough

The Recovery Myth the WANTcast

Orthorexia nervosa is a sickly ironic twist on healthy eating, a laugh in the face of nutrition facts. It’s what used to be called an EDNOS: Eating Disorder Not Specified. The term “orthorexia” was coined circa 1997 by a doctor who suffered from the condition himself: there was no name for this condition, therefore there was no research. And since there was no research, it was just deemed a vague, disordered set of habits. Still, 20 years later, the information about Orthorexia out in the world – and by the world, meaning The Internet, of course – is mostly the same words regurgitated over and over. Speculation. Haziness. 

The worst part? Orthorexia is still not recognized by some doctors as a “real” eating disorder.

I mean, what?

Isn’t any form of an eating disorder a “real” eating disorder?

Orthorexia and other EDsNOS don’t always result in extreme weight loss. For me, it did. But even in my healing process, my weight fluctuated up and down – it was never a true indication of whether I’d moved forward or not.

So how do you know that you or a loved one might be on the orthorexic path – or developing disordered eating habits? Here’s some signs you might need to intervene, and some things that worked for me when I was at my all-time low and decided I’d had enough.

Health is an ever-evolving journey, not a fixed destination. Click To Tweet

SHOW NOTES:

The Recovery Myth on WANT
NEDA 
National Alliances On Mental Illnesses

 

Like this episode? Leave a review on iTunes, share it on Facebook, tweet it out on Twitter, or post it on Instagram. Be sure to use the hashtags #WANTcast, #womenagainstnegativetalk, and/or #WANTyourself!



Today’s episode is sponsored by Marie Forleo’s B-School, an 8-week online course for creative entrepreneurs that gives you the tools, strategies, clarity, and guidance to create the business you’ve always wanted to see in the world. Sign up at http://share.marieforleobschool.com/WANT (I’ll be doing it again this year, so we’ll be schoolmates!)

WANTcast 068: Valuing Your Agency + Inclusive Actualization with khoLi.

WANTcast 068: Valuing Your Agency + Inclusive Actualization with khoLi.

the WANTcast

Dr. Carrie Kholi-Murchison, aka khoLi., is a writer, editor, and strategist, developing impactful tools and workshops for personal and professional growth. khoLi. believes that every human being has the right and responsibility to confidently and creatively contribute toward an equitable future for all. As the Founding Partner and Executive Director of HOLI. BRANDS, khoLi. expedites these contributions by working to enhance the quality of life for historically marginalized communities through the fulfillment of deficiency and growth needs like belongingness, esteem, and self-actualization.

In this episode we talk:

• Valuing your own agency and how to be in charge of the story you’re writing for yourself in this journey

• Looking at branding/business/wellness/community through a “Maslow’s Heirarchy Of Needs” lens

• Self-actualization, and what that even MEANS

• How to make the words “diversity” and “inclusion” more than empty words

• Healthy relationships when the person you’re in a relationship with (romantic or otherwise) is also your business partner

• Intensity addiction

• Imposter syndrome

• Dealing with jealousy

…and so much more


WANT khoLi.

Think of the creativity and advancement we could have if our examples of excellence, and of what gets included, included everyone. -khoLi. Click To Tweet

Find khoLi. at http://www.carriekholi.com, on Instagram at @khoLi.

Show Notes:
Facebook
HOLI Brands
Khafra Community Cohort
Hella Black Brunch
Everyday Devotion
Elizabeth McGrath
Ologies with Alie Ward about “Matrimoniology”

 



Today’s episode is sponsored by 
Marie Forleo’s B-School,
an 8-week online course for creative entrepreneurs that gives you the tools, strategies, clarity, and guidance to create the business you’ve always wanted to see in the world. Sign up at http://share.marieforleobschool.com/WANT (I’ll be doing it again this year, so we’ll be schoolmates!)