6 Ways To Set Boundaries + Stay Sane On Social Media (Without Disconnecting)

6 Ways To Set Boundaries + Stay Sane On Social Media (Without Disconnecting)

Community Most Popular Posts Tips + Tools

I’m what’s considered an Older Millennial, which means I’m a part of the age group that both grew up with the internet and vividly remembers a time without it. I still remember the ancient dial-up chords of the Prodigy and America Online-era World Wide Web, the rush of excitement when you finally made it “online” (because that thing was SLOW), and the hope that someone wouldn’t pick up the landline, break your connection, and ruin it all. “Inbox Zero” wasn’t the badge of honor – a full inbox, however, was. Hearing the words You’ve Got Mail were like digitized music to your ears.

You had MAIL!!!

On your COMPUTER!!!

Ah, the olden days…

My family got America Online – or AOL for the kiddos reading – in 1997. Soon thereafter, my tweenage self found a special corner of the not-so-dark internet that seemed to be reserved especially for me: the musical theatre message boards. In each thread detailing touring companies of Les Misérables and each challenge asking your Top 25 cast albums, I found a community where I was able to be ME. Never once did I think twice about who I was talking to or the validity of the information shares – and I certainly didn’t ever consider that I could fabricate a personality online that was different from than who I was IRL. The outside world what where I pretended. This new, magical onlin

One of my most vivid and impactful memories of the dawning of the internet is when my high school English teacher had to explicitly tell us that Wikipedia was not a reliable source to credit in research papers. WHAT?! There is stuff on the internet that isn’t true?! There are people who aren’t who they say they are?! Well geez. This takes the fun out of things. No more message boards, I guess.

The digital socialization that happened in the message boards and chat rooms of the late-’90s was the precursor to what we now know as social media. I remember MySpace, I remember Friendster. LiveJournal, anyone?

And then, the summer before my first year of college, I signed up to get an invite to an exclusive website connecting me to all my future classmates. It was called The Facebook.



The internet – and social media – have evolved a LOT since the 90s and early 2000s and the days of yore when Facebook had a THE before it and only allowed you to update your status in ways that completed the sentence “So-And-So is…” And with that evolution, we’ve had to reinvent what it means to be MINDFUL, over and over again.

Maybe you’re alreay mindful IRL. You’re present in your conversations, you live for the now, and you’re all about savoring the moment. Some might have trouble tuning into life when today’s technology provides such a fun distraction – but for you, the fun is right in front of you in real time.

But here’s the hard reality: social media, smartphones, and being in-somewhat-constant-contact are not the exception anymore, they’re the norm. Whereas outlets like Instagram and Twitter were once fun escapes, they’ve become a vital component of connection in the world we live. And while we’re not necessarily living for another moment because of social media…the moments we are living for are the same ones we’re expected to stop, drop, and document to keep our “brand” alive, both online and off.

Whether you’re looking to grow your business, or are the average social media user catching up on cute baby/puppy pics and posting funny memes, the social media overwhelm is REAL. So many people to keep up with! So much news being thrown at us! It’s almost too much to handle, especially if you’re the type of person who likes to savor the moment.

It’s not just that social media is a distraction – it’s that it makes us question how true our truths really are.

Just like a baby slowly learns that crying isn’t just a mode of calling for help but a surefire way to steal mom’s focus, social media can suck you in and make you feel as if every update, every post, every link and every Boost is a make-or-break scenario.

While I’m all about the power of a double-tap, it’s vital we learn to stay SANE on our smartphones. Here are six solid social media tips + strategies to follow (no pun intended) so you can have your life and post it, too.



6 Ways To Set Boundaries + Stay Sane On Social Media

SOCIAL MEDIA TIPS WHEN SCROLLING:


1. QUESTION NEWS SOURCES.

Many times we’ll see a headline, gasp, and share so someone else can share in our rage/elation. But how often do you look at the URL where it came from? Is this source credible? Is it from a viable news outlet, like the New York Times or CNN, or is it from a site called something like icantbelieveitsnotbetter.com ?? It’s called “click bait” for a reason: its main point is to lure you in so you will click and BITE.

You can usually see the news source in the link preview. Train yourself to look at THAT first – yes, even before thinking about the headline – then decide whether you’ll click and share. If it’s real news, there’s a good chance it’s being reported on a more credible news site where you can find real reporting – if it’s not, then it’s not worth reading anyway (no matter HOW much it’s playing to your emotions).

2. PRACTICE COMO: CELEBRATION OF MISSING OUT.

Feeling envy bubble up when you see someone else doing something you with YOU could do or have, too? True jealousy, by definition, is a reaction to the threat of LOSING something you have. Envy, however, arises when you find yourself LACKING something someone else has. (*If you’re unsure which is which,here’s a primer on distinguishing the two.)

If you find yourself being envious of someone else on social media, ask yourself what about that thing resonates the most. What is it you want? And then CELEBRATE it for the other person. When you choose to celebrate what you want, even when someone ELSE has it, the universe takes a little mental note that you know that opportunity isn’t a limited resource. If you see scarcity, you get scarcity. Only those who recognize that there’s space out there for them can actually FILL it. Plus, in the words of Call Your Girlfriend hosts Ann and Aminatou’s Shine Theory, I don’t shine if you don’t shine.

If it's not the kind of social interaction you'd want to have offline, then why are you having it online? Click To Tweet

3. ENGAGE WISELY.

It’s called SOCIAL media for a reason: it’s supposed to encourage us to be SOCIAL. Would you socialize with someone that made you feel icky? Differing opinions is different than downright bad vibes. Choose wisely what and who you engage with. Make sure your engagement does more good than harm. Basically: If it’s not the kind of social interaction you’d want to have offline, then why are you having it online?


SOCIAL MEDIA TIPS WHEN POSTING:

4. BE PROACTIVE, NOT REACTIVE.

Posting reactively is the adult equivalent of the temper tantrum. We see or experience something and get so overworked and overwhelmed that we share something, ANYTHING, to let others know how we feel.

Before you lose your cool on the web, ask yourself if what you’re posting is the Communicative Quad-fecta: Kind, True, Helpful, and Necessary. If it’s not, then maybe give yourself a time-out (counting to 20 taking slow breaths helps) to refocus and regroup.

5. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY.

Like, really, what you truly want to say. When you post a photo or update, what’s the overarching message you want to share with your followers? Do you want to share a snapshot of something you love, spread joy, inform others – or are you trying to keep up with other people’s posts, or use social media as your emotional dumping/venting ground? Do you want Likes and comments, or do you want to impart an actual, meaningful message? Quality over quantity, especially when it comes to social media.

A great picture or quote should support a main message or tell others about who you ARE, not steal the show and tell others what they AREN’T. Set a clear intention before you post, and be honest with yourself about WHY you are posting what you’re posting. And guess what? You DON’T have to keep up with the social media joneses and flood the feed. Authenticity in intention always trumps abundance in action.

6. SET IT AND FORGET IT.

After you’ve posted, let it be! It’s tempting to check your activity log every half-minute, refreshing the page to see if someone else has “Liked,” commented, or retweeted what you’ve shared. Not only is this a time-suck, it’s a strain on your emotions. If you don’t get a surge of attention within minutes, it can seem as if what you had to say or show was not a success, leading you to doubt your credibility, obsess over what you did right or wrong, and agonize over how you can tweak your strategy moving forward. It becomes an abusive relationship that makes you feel like crap.

To keep yourself in a proactive space, it’s vital to set boundaries with your social media. Make a pact with yourself to only check your various social media outlets for activity at specific, limited times throughout the day. Respond, comment, and strategize during these times and these times only, during quiet moments when your attention is not needed elsewhere. Take your pic, share your post, then go make your mark on the world – no filter necessary.

 


WANT Yourself:
Do you have any social media tips and tricks to help you stay sane WITHOUT disconnecting completely? Post in the comments and let us know!


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We Belong To Each Other: How To Take Care Of Yourself (And Others) When You Can’t Go Anywhere.

We Belong To Each Other: How To Take Care Of Yourself (And Others) When You Can’t Go Anywhere.

Community Most Popular Posts Tips + Tools Work

In the last five days, I’ve retracted my RSVP for a cousin’s wedding which was later put on hold, cancelled a trip to L.A., postponed a workshop I was co-leading, cancelled my fitness class recording sessions, postponed friend-reunions, skipped out on a networking event, and gotten news that many friends who were debuting their films at SXSW, shows on Broadway, and books into the world would have to press hold on celebrating their art out in the world in real life with other humans.

I’ve also finished two books and started a third, written over 10,000 words for a secret project, attended a funeral via live stream, set up a home studio to record remotely, scheduled aforementioned friend-reunion dinner over Zoom (planty foods and cocktails of choice included), spoken to my therapist, ordered delivery from local restaurants I’ve always wanted to try, cleared my inbox by 50%, bought new books just making their debuts, downloaded multiple independent films on multiple platforms, started to buy tickets to shows I can’t wait to see, and made pumpkin seed butter from scratch.

I’m finding that it’s easier for me transition to this Homeward Bound lifestyle than a lot of my friends. Not because I’m better at managing global crises – but because I’m an introvert. My home is my favorite place in the world. I’ve also been working primarily from home for most of my adult life. Even as a kid, I preferred locking myself in my room and playing silently than going out with my peers. I texted a friend, half-jokingly: THIS IS MY MOMENT!! This is what I’ve been PREPARING FOR my whole LIFE!

However, there’s one thing I’m still struggling with, no matter how many jars of pumpkin seed butter I make or chapters I write: my sponginess.

 

SPONGINESS.

I’m what’s called a Highly Sensitive Person, which means I see things others can’t and feel things others don’t. I can feel fear or freedom just by looking at your Instagram post. It’s been both my downfall and my most prized resumé point.

Jeremy calls my high sensitivity my “sponginess.” I sponge up everyone else’s emotions and everything else’s intensity and hold it within me in my pores and fibers. It’s been a great way to explain to him how I’m feeling when I don’t have words – I can just tell him I’m having a majorly spongey day and he understands my heaviness. He also knows my sponginess is my superpower – so instead of trying to change it, he celebrates it while helping me squeeze out what doesn’t serve me.

When I first moved to NYC, the abundance of FEELING was exhilarating, until it wasn’t. I tried to soak in EVERYTHING and it broke me down. I tried to cut myself off and it numbed me out. I had to find a balance and boundaries, and ways to wring myself out at the end of the day. A warm home. A riveting book. Deep breaths by the river. Lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling.

Eating disorders, I’ve heard, are a kind of OCD – a way to count, clean, and control, control, control. In my early days of recovery, I got into an all-or-nothing habit of either cleaning my entire house top to bottom then back again, or leaving clothes and papers and plates and dust to pile up for days, sometimes weeks on end. I once left a sponge sitting at the bottom of my sink in a shallow pool of water. After a while, I finally went to pick it up and realized it had started to mold and disintegrate.

Boundaries are hard. But my job is not to clean up everyone else’s mess. And my job is not to sit in the dark underneath the sink, dry and numb and unmovable, either. Sponges don’t work down there.

 My job is to absorb enough water that I can soak up the muck and make things shine, but not so much that I submerge myself and it breaks my fibers apart.

 

IN SPONGEY TIMES SUCH AS THESE.

The sponges are feeling it BIG TIME right now. They’re feeling the fears of their neighbors, the triggers of anyone who has ever experienced an eating or body-related disorder (this is a VERY triggering state for ED-prone people to be in), the anger of the over-60 set who are pissed that they want to go outside and are also pissed they’re being referred to as “elderly” maybe for the first time in their lives, the frustration of the kids of the over-60 set who don’t understand why their parents just don’t GET it, the snarkiness of the people who believe it’s all a sham and prefer to make fun of the people who don’t…it’s all so, so very much.

What a weird time to be someone who is not typically an alarmist, but simultaneously wants to be the very best, most mindful community member possible. I know that while I don’t fall into the most vulnerable demographic, any trace of Coronavirus/COVID-19/Beer Germs (get it? Corona? Virus? Beer? Germs? I’ll be here all week folks) that I catch could be passed onto someone else whose body might not be able to handle it nearly as well. Not to mention the overwhelmed healthcare professionals right now who are trying to take care of as many people as possible but have a fraction of the resources needed to do so.

Over the last couple weeks, I’ve been asked many times what I “think of all this,” how people can take care of themselves, and what my general take is on living day-to-day life when it looks and feels anything but normal. Instead of posting a million times to Instagram or spreading my responses out over emails, texts, DMs, and social media updates, I figured it might be useful for you if I just posted everything here, all in one place – for the sponges who need help with sponging, for the people who are struggling finding normalcy and motivation at home, and everyone who’s dealing with a little bit of everything.


9 Ways To Take Care Of Yourself (And Others) During Coronavirus And Beyond

 

LIMIT YOUR NEWS INTAKE

We can’t always control what we see, but we CAN control what we pay attention to. Sometimes it feels like we’re at the mercy of news updates and social media feeds, but now is a great time to practice a Thank you, next! Ariana Grande-style philosophy and dismiss what does not serve us.

I’m not a huge fan of jumping straight to a cold-turkey digital detox, especially while so many of us are feeling isolated. Not only do I think it’s unrealistic for long-term mental health management – it’s probably not the best idea to make yourself feel even MORE cut off from the world and disconnected from your loved ones right now than you already are.

If going cold-turkey works for you, fantastic. But for the rest of us, limit your Beer Germ updates to THREE PIECES OF CONTENT A DAY. Why three? Four feels like slipping too far down the internet rabbit hole, but one or two feels like there’s no chance for redemption if you DO start to go down a dark path. Consuming and paying attention to three pieces of news updates – whether it’s about Coronavirus or any other hot-topic news item that makes you feel nervous – empowers you to mindfully choose what’s worthy of your attention. How do you want to design your day/week/outlook? Maybe you’ve give two doom-and-gloom articles your attention already – actively SEARCH for a more positive and proactive note to end on (this post is a great one!).

 

BRING BACK THE REIGN OF THE HOBBIES

We all say it. All. The. Time.

If I just had more time…

If there were two extra hours in the day…

Okay, so you’ve been granted your wish. If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you don’t currently have a “commute time,” or a busy, distracting office to spend the day in, or non-essential errands like getting a haircut that you “have to get done.”

So what is it? What is that THING you always say you’d do if you had more time? Cleaning your pantry? Writing poetry? Making salsa? Reading a book? Organizing your computer desktop? Draw? Paint? Showing your kid old photos? Learning how to play a new game? This is your time. No excuses anymore. Do your thing. Do that one small thing that’s been lurking in the back of your mind. Whether that’s fixing something broken, learning something new, delving into a meaningful project, or getting back in touch with one of your lost hobbies (REMEMBER HOBBIES?!). I made pumpkin seed butter and am writing like a fiend. What will YOU do with this time given to you in your one wild and precious life?

 

BE A GOOD COMMUNITY MEMBER

And I mean the people who are negatively affected BEYOND not being able to find toilet paper or your favorite shampoo on the shelves. I mean the local businesses whose livelihood depends on in-person interaction, the service industry workers who don’t get paid if they don’t have a shift, the cab drivers who are driving around for hours on end looking for passengers. If you have the means to, order takeout from your local restaurants and tip generously. When you need groceries or home goods, buy locally instead of on Amazon when possible – or call the store! – and then ask if they’ll deliver to your home. When they do, tip generously. Order cabs (there is usually a glass divider between the driver and the passenger), bring antibacterial wipes to wipe down the seats and handles if you choose to, and then – yep – tip generously.

And if there’s a mistake – your cab driver turns down a wrong street, your delivery order is SLIIIIIGHTLY off, tip anyway. Because they’re also a human, just like you, doing the best they can right now. I ordered takeout the other night and my fries were replaced with dumplings. Would I have preferred fries? Yes. Would I be fine with the dumplings? Yes. Now is not the time to snap at each other. As Mother Teresa said, “If we have no peace, it’s because we’ve forgotten that we belong to each other.”

 

GET MOVING AND GET SUNSHINE

Exercise is proven to boost your mood AND your immune system. The beauty of this day and age is that we have so many digital options available, at all price points and experience levels, to help us get high-quality workouts during this high-quarantine time.

Exercise isn’t about the workout. Not REALLY. A class, workout, or session isn’t  just fitness training – but LIFE training as well. The more resilient you can be in the face of a challenge in your workout, the more resilient you’ll be in the face of a challenge out there in the world. The kinder you are to yourself while you’re sweating, the kinder you’ll be to yourself when you’re not. In these confusing and emotionally spongey times, it’s important to lean into that mental aspect of fitness, and lean into it HARD.

That doesn’t mean you need to crush it on a treadmill. Keep your distance from others – but get outside! Soak in sunshine on a brisk (or not-brisk) walk or run. Do some stretching in the grass. Make the most of your surroundings.

I teach for Aaptiv, and it’s been an absolute joy and mega comfort to see how many people are taking our trainers’ classes and getting a mood boost from them. If you’re not a member, go to aaptiv.com/save50 for 50% off a yearly membership – that’s $49.99, which is how much I’ve spent on dinner and cocktails with friends before, and literally 1/4 of many regular gym’s monthly dues. I teach outdoor walking, running, spin, elliptical, and treadmill classes galore, but there’s also strength, yoga, Pilates, meditation, and more.

Can’t afford $49.99? There are so many free workouts available online and being hosted on IG right now (Sadie Kurzban of 305 Fitness has some phenomenal dance classes that have happened so far!). Use this as a chance to discover something new, or lean into a long-forgotten physical source of joy (hello jump ropes!).

 

GET YOUR ART ON

So many concerts, book tours, theatre debuts, and film releases are being cancelled or rescheduled right now. These events usually take months upon months to prepare, after usually years and years of work and sweat and tears and heart given by the musicians, authors, actors, and filmmakers to make their art come to life.

Since you’ll probably be listening to music, reading, and watching movies anyway, why not support those artists who worked so tirelessly – only to have their art be put on hold or cancelled?

My friend Lynn Chen (you might remember her from The Recovery Myth or our L.A. panel a few years back) was slated to make her directorial debut with her film, I Will Make You Mine, at this year’s SXSW. She wrote beautifully about the heartbreak of her premiere being cancelled here. The GOOD news is that many of the films, albums, books, and shows that were cancelled or postponed either already exist out there in the world (books and albums), WILL be available for wide release soon (films), or will have their IRL events rescheduled at a later date. The very best things you can do right now are:

A) Sign up for their mailing lists so that you’re up to date with when you can enjoy their art (Lynn’s movie’s list is here!). Here is a list of SXSW films that were supposed to premiere this month.

B) Buy new book releases, stream new music, watch new movies, purchase theatre tickets in advance if possible. Your dollars and views and streams COUNT. As far as books go, Glennon Doyle has a fantastic thread of new books that were just released going on her Twitter feed.

 

EMBRACE THE ART OF THE VOICE TEXT

I LOVE voice texts. I can send them at any time, no matter HOW much time I have available to me, and I can have a voice-to-voice interaction with my friends. Phone calls can pile up (and sometimes become a game of “Call me back!!”), texts can be void of emotion (unless you’re a gif master), but voice texts are almost like a modern day walkie-talkie.

As someone who can feel very guilty about returning phone calls “too late” AND would rather have a multi-hour-long conversation than a quick 10-minute catch up (I am not a 10-minute catch up kind of gal unless I’m forced to be), voice texts feel like a great, no-pressure way to connect and share thoughts, feelings, and ideas in real time. Try it – I have one going on my favorite group chat right now and it’s bringing us all so much joy. And, feels like a great way to have energetic boundaries if you ARE a muti-hour phone convo person like me. Which brings me to…

 

SET CONVERSATION BOUNDARIES (AND HONOR OTHERS’, TOO)

Something I’ve had to learn and re-learn, and teach and re-teach my loved ones, over my many years of Homeward Bound work, is that just because I’m around doesn’t mean I’m available. If you need to talk about your stresses or fears, please please please don’t hold it inside. But if you need space, assert space. My mom literally just sent me a “Call me” text – and since we’ve had the conversation before about me freaking out and jumping to worst-case-scenario over “Call me” texts, she knows to let me know if it’s urgent or not. This is not urgent. I responded: “I will in a few!” Simple as that. I talked to her a few hours ago and this follow-up can wait, and she knows I still love her and WILL call her back (follow up is important). Whether you’re busy writing, reading, or just soaking in some silence and contemplation time, you are allowed to take the space YOU need to feel the way YOU want to feel.

In the same vein, be mindful of how you connect with others right now. Maybe they need some space, too. While almost everyone is in a heightened emotional state, honor if your loved ones need some space, too. This is a wonderful time to practice clear and kind communication both ways!

 

CREATE NORMALCY IN THE ABNORMALITY

Working from home and not used to it? Some quick tips: Make your bed. Brush your teeth. Put on real clothes. Schedule your days in your calendar. Take lunch breaks. Find your New, For-Now Normal instead of throwing all structure out the door until further notice.

 

DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING

Do The Next Right Thing. It’s a common piece of advice for overwhelm, depression, and anxiety. Look way past the moment you’re in, and get clear on how you want to feel way after this has passed. Look at the moment you’re in and what’s being asked of you (literally or figuratively), and ask yourself how you can simplify your response to it. And then do the next right thing.

Who’s to say YOU are not the Next Right Thing the world needs right now? Who’s to say you writing that one poem, or reading that one book to your kids, or speaking up and staying home, won’t change it all for someone else? That poem might reignite your love for writing that leads you to your first book. That book you read might spark your kid’s imagination and lead them to develop a new passion. Speaking up and staying home might give someone else the courage to do the same, and that someone might be someone who later finds out they were carrying the virus that’s spreading like wildfire. It’s usually not the big grand gestures but the small seemingly ordinary ones that make the biggest impact. As Joan Didion said, “Life changes in the instant. The ordinary instant.” Your ordinary instant might be the change you wish to see in the world. YOU might be the Next Right Thing.


WANT YOURSELF:

In the comments, share what books you’re reading, films you’re watching, recipes you’re cooking, workouts you’re doing, hobbies you’re enjoying, projects you’re completing, or any other way you’re being proactive and not reactive during this time! With so much up in the air (no virusy pun intended) some of us need your inspiration to help turn our days around right now. Let’s create a nice list for anyone who needs it!

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7 Programs + Courses To Do In 2020 For People Who Love Goals (But Hate Diet Culture + The Patriarchy)

7 Programs + Courses To Do In 2020 For People Who Love Goals (But Hate Diet Culture + The Patriarchy)

Community Most Popular Posts Tips + Tools

Got “New Year, New You”-itis? The amount of course, programs, and 10-day-whatevers that launch in the new year are way too many to count – and, of course, because our culture is designed to make money off of diet culture and a patriarchy that’s centered around whiteness and privilege, the demeaning language and weight-loss-wonder stories are thrown in our faces.

But not ALL programs that launch at the top of the year are bad and UGH-worthy. And some of us – MANY of us – need the structure and guidance these programs offer to ensure we not only create beneficial habits and practices, but keep them long after a singular goal is reached.

If you love reaching your goals and feeling structured but are vehemently against giving diet culture and racist, patriarchal practices your dollar bills, here are seven programs – focusing on everything from health and happiness, to fitness and values, to career and anti-racism and well beyond – to actually make 2020 your best year yet in a sea of best-years-yet to come:

 

IF YOU WANT TO (PHYSICALLY) FEEL GOOD:
4 Weeks To Wellness by Phoebe Lapine

An important note from Katie: This is quite possibly one of the ONLY courses that uses the word “detox” (more on that later) that I actually endorse. There is NO SHAME in wanting to feel good, period – but during this time of year, companies and coaches will VERY often lean on scare tactics or sneaky diet culture rules that reinforce a good vs. bad mentality.

4W2W teaches you how to commit to new habits while being gentler with yourself at the same time. Her course covers vice detox (without asking you to spend anything on powders or “cleanses” or even really focus on food that much at all), green beauty, hydration, stress management, sleep hygiene and SO much more. If you have thyroid issues or IBS, you should also know that Phoebe is the resident expert for Hashimotos and SIBO – she’s dealt with both herself and the 4W2W program usually attracts a lot of SIBO Amigos / Hashi Posse members.”

Sign up and use the code WANT when you’re asked how you heard about them!
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IF YOU WANT TO DEFINE AND ALIGN WITH YOUR HIGHEST VALUES:
Ascend Virtual Worksop on 1/25 by Rachel Cargle

A refreshing shift from resolutions, get in alignment around what truly matters within your unique life experience and explore how you can show up for those values in everyday life. Rachel will guide you toward developing a reflective and insightful beginning-of-year map that will connect you with your highest values and the sweet, soft versions of ourselves that deserve priority in the new decade.”

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IF YOU WANT TO BE HAPPIER ALL-AROUND:
Seven Weeks To Bliss by Jacki Carr and Mary Beth LaRue

Seven Weeks to Bliss is an online course created by Mary Beth LaRue and Jacki Carr to share tools to connect you to your unique and self-defined bliss. Each week, dive into a theme that explores a new bliss tool. Inspired by our energy centers, week one is ROOT, week two is EMBODY, week three is CREATE, week four js (SELF) LOVE, week five is SPEAK, week six is SEE and week seven is TRUST.”

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IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT FOR A MORE JUST, NON-RACIST WORLD:
The Journey To Allyship by Catriceology 

“So you’ve realized that as a white woman you’ve got some work to do personally and socially to confront racism and you desire to use your voice for racial justice. That’s fantastic! The goal of this program is to provide you with valuable lessons and tools to move through the process of reckoning with your racism and reconstructing a new way of thinking, being and engaging as a socially conscious, anti-racist woman. You will be stretched you out of your comfort zone of silence, shame, and stagnation to eliminate complicity and complacency with white supremacy.”

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IF YOU’RE GOING THROUGH A MAJOR LIFE TRANSITION:
Embrace Chance on Aaptiv with Nicole Sciacca

Embrace Change is a 21 day program created by Nicoles Sciacca to be a resource to you as you embark on any life changes. This program provides meditations, yoga classes, and best practices on how to embrace and implement change in your life the right way. Change is inevitable and uncomfortable and incessant, so we might as well start taking an honest look at how we respond to it.”

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(not on Aaptiv? Use code KATIE30 for a whopping 30% off your annual membership)


IF YOU WANT TO PITCH YOURSELF/PRODUCT ONLINE BUT NETWORKING GIVES YOU HIVES:
The Art Of Digital Outreach with Selena Vidya

Build relationships online and grow visibility for your business or project. Through this course, you’ll Learn different strategies and tactics from someone who has experience executing outreach for Fortune 500 companies, and her own projects, build a niche and targeted list to reach out to that align with your brand/product/service, and improve your outreach success rate so you can generate links and mentions for your brand, product or service, which in turn can help SEO and general visibility.”

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IF YOU WANT TO BUILD CONFIDENCE AND CALL YOURSELF A RUNNER:
Walk To Run With Confidence on Aaptiv with Katie Horwitch

No quotes on this one…because it’s MINE! I created WTRWC because I believe in the power of combining the physical, mental, and emotional. To make progress in any aspect of life, fitness or otherwise, we’ve got to shift the way we speak to ourselves. Your mind isn’t separate from your body – it’s a PART of it. And when you make mindset shifts, the physical ones follow. I created this program for anyone who wants to get out of their own way and build up the confidence to embody what it means to be a RUNNER.

You can expect 12 classes that progress in intensity and duration (think 2-3 minutes more each class, and one small speed progression strategically peppered in at a time), and each class has a motivational or mindset theme that builds on the last – making this a true mind-body experience.

By the time you finish this entire program, you’ll feel confident calling yourself a RUNNER, regardless of numbers or metrics. You’ll walk (or jog or run!) away speaking kindly to yourself, celebrating your strengths, and tapping into a new level of self-love for your body, mind, and spirit.

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Let It Go: The Most Productive Formula For Your New Year’s Resolutions.

Let It Go: The Most Productive Formula For Your New Year’s Resolutions.

Body Community Love Most Popular Posts Shift Of Power Tips + Tools Work

Doesn’t it sound sexy to say what you’re “leaving behind” in the new year? To make a list of what you’re going to stop doing in 2020?

I know it does. I’ve done that before: written down the things I’m leaving behind, burned them in a fireplace, the whole dramatic deal.

But it’s not that simple. We‘re all human – living not just our high highs and low lows but a whole full spectrum of experience every day. Change is never as easy as leaving something behind and never looking back. Even amongst the most “enlightened” of us, it’s very likely we’ll inevitably be confronted with or fall back into an old pattern we thought we were done with. Best case scenario, we learn to mindfully navigate the situation and pattern differently each time around. But even so – it’s a two-steps-forward, one-step-back kind of deal. Practice makes progress, not perfect.

What’s more likely is what happens to 80% of us: we take that one step back and shame ourselves into submission. When we live in extremes, we don’t leave room for the in-betweens, the lessons learned in those tougher moments. We tell ourselves we’re “so bad,” we messed up, we’re a failure, we can’t do this, and so on and so forth blah blah blah. The moment we create ultimatums in our minds is the moment we set ourselves up for shame and self-doubt in the long run.

In my own work and life, I talk a lot about LETTING GO instead of LEAVING BEHIND. Feels more like accountability to me. Controlling what you can and only what *you* can. Recognizing that something can (and probably will) pop back into your life but you get to choose whether you pick it up or not.

When I coach people to let go of something – a thought, a feeling, a belief, a situation, a person – I always try to frame it so that they’re letting go of it in order to make space for something else SPECIFIC.

Because the thing is: the second you STOP, QUIT, or LEAVE BEHIND…what’s gonna fill that space? If you don’t know what you’re fighting for, you’re going to end up right back where you began with what you’re fighting against…at the most basic level, if only because it’s familiar.

Try this way more productive formula throughout the year, but especially now as you reflect and project in Resolution Mode:

I am letting go of ((how something affects you or why you do what you do)), so I can ((what that thing holds you back from doing)).

Examples…

    • INSTEAD OF “I will stop putting others before myself.”
    • TRY “I will let go of my need to please others, so I can make room for myself.”
    • INSTEAD OF “I am leaving behind toxic people.”
    • TRY “I am letting go of excusing bad behavior at my own expense, so I can live out MY journey exactly as it’s intended to unfold.”
    • INSTEAD OF “I will quit negative self-talk.”
    • TRY “I am letting go of my limiting beliefs, so that I can feel confident and grounded.”

Notice this formula doesn’t say you will always do or feel or be that thing you say you’ve been held back from doing/feeling/being. Just like there’s no ultimatums for the negatives, there’s no ultimatums for the positives. The point is to make space and define what you want that space to hold. Not to always make room for yourself, or live out your own journey, or feel confident and grounded, or whatever you created space for. But to state clearly: this is what I want, this is what I’m willing to fight for.

Burn your regrets in the fireplace if you want. Make a dramatic statement if it feels good. But make sure you do this, too. Just know that you’re a person in progress – and your life will be one long loop of letting things go and picking things up along the way. You might not get to choose what enters your world, but you sure as hell can choose what you do with it.


WANT Yourself: 
Now you: What are you letting go of, and what are you making space for?

 

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Opportunity Seizing (or, Consistency Is A Trap.)

Opportunity Seizing (or, Consistency Is A Trap.)

Community Most Popular Posts Motivation + Inspiration Work

Are you sick of the end-of-year scare tactics yet? I sure am.

You know the ones. Even if you don’t KNOW you know the ones…you know them.

“Make this last month of the DECADE count!”

“Only a few more weeks left in the YEAR!”

“Don’t waste the last few days of 2019!”

If seeing and hearing these phrases stress you out, congrats. They’re meant to stress you out.

I was talking to a friend yesterday who confided in me that she’s going through it. That “IT” so many of us are going through this time of year, that’s compounded and magnified by the stressy “MAKE THE LAST DAYS OF THE DECADE COUNT” memes. 

She doesn’t feel inspired, she feels ungrounded, her routines are all over the place. She’s feeling guilty and rushed, like she’s lost her magic spark and might not ever get it back again. She hasn’t kept up with a few business things and hasn’t figured out her winter self-care. She feels all over the place and scared she won’t find herself again after this storm settles…IF it settles.

And so I texted her this:

“Consistency” can be great. It can also be a trap. Time is a construct. Time was created to give us measurements and structure – which make us feel a sense of order in an otherwise chaotic world.

But if we rely on structure TOO heavily, we start to lose our sense of independence. If we rely on timing, consistency, schedule, and routines to keep us in control, what happens when LIFE happens – when those things are upended?

A question:

If I told you that the new year/decade actually began YESTERDAY instead of today, would that change how you did things?

If I told you that you actually had 28 months instead of 28 DAYS left in 2019, how would you spend your time?

The choices you make today won’t be remembered in 1, 2, 5, 10, 20 years from now as the choices you made to “make the most of the end of the year.”

The choices you make today – if they’re important and brave enough choices, which can range from sending that tough email to taking a FULL rest day (not hour! day!) to FULLY reset – will be choices you remember as seized opportunities.

Because here’s the thing.

When you ask the universe for patience, strength, bravery, or fearlessness, it doesn’t give you patience, strength, bravery, or fearlessness.

It gives you OPPORTUNITIES to be patient, strong, brave, and fearless.

When you ask the universe for patience, strength, bravery, or fearlessness, it doesn’t give you patience, strength, bravery, or fearlessness. It gives you OPPORTUNITIES to be patient, strong, brave, and fearless. Click To Tweet

When we’re caught up in timelines and structure and routines, we run the risk of missing those opportunities. We start to act out of fear of “losing ourselves,” when in reality it usually takes a break in routine and consistency for us to really find ourselves.

As this year/decade comes to a close, I challenge you to look at each day as its own experience. It’s not simply “the X-to-last day of the year.” It’s its own living, breathing, morphing organism. It lives on its own AND as a mini-chapter in the macro-story around you.

Screw marrying yourself to a timeline or consistency for consistency’s sake. There are opportunities every single day for you to seize to help you be the you you know you’re meant to be. They might live inside your routine or timelines…they might not. 

All that matters is that you stay on the lookout.

 

Gym Face: Skin Shame In The Fitness Industry

Gym Face: Skin Shame In The Fitness Industry

Body Most Popular Posts Motivation + Inspiration

There aren’t many more powerful places to shift people’s perceptions of their physicality than in the gym. It’s part of the reason fitness was so appealing to me when I first got started. I could give a shit about how many lunges you can do or if you can do them at all. I give lots of shits about your self-image.

As a leader in the space, it’s part of my job to model to you what’s called “good form.” Sure, this means I can show you how to do that proper lunge I don’t give a shit about. But more importantly, it also means I carry myself in a way I hope you’ll carry yourself too. With pride, empathy, and awareness – right down to the skin you’re in.

~

When I started teaching fitness classes, I was ashamed of my skin. I saw the people I admired in the industry in ads, on television, in magazines, and on social media, and I felt as if I didn’t look the part. I didn’t feel like I had the ideal body, the coolest clothes…and I most certainly did NOT have that silky-smooth skin I thought everyone else had.

And so I not only doubled down on my product use, I wore makeup to class to cover up my perceived flaws. Spoiler, wearing makeup while you sweat is a recipe for clogged pores and very unhappy skin. So obviously, it just got worse. Not to mention, I was a broke 20something to begin with, and trying to fix my insecurities just made me broker. I felt shame around my skin, I felt shame around the bank account I mismanaged in order to try and pay for the products I used to un-shame myself from my skin. There are a lot of myths around being “someone from Los Angeles”…but I can tell you the stereotype of aspirational skincare is very real. Not only could I not keep up with the facials, peels, and products I believed I needed, but I felt like a fitness industry failure for not looking like the perfect version of health.

It wasn’t until I read Adina Grigore’s book, Skin Cleanse, that I realized that the perfect skin is the skin you’re in. I’d been overloading my system with SO many products over the years and had been wearing so much foundation and concealer to literally mask my insecurities, that I didn’t even know what my skin’s natural M.O. was.

The second I stopped piling on the products and stopped wearing makeup to teach is the second I really truly found my voice and stepped up my game in the fitness world. Coincidence? Maybe. But I’d like to think it had something to do with the fact that I wasn’t covering anything up anymore, literally and figuratively.

 

The perfect skin is the skin you’re in. Click To Tweet

 

I often think about the rise of body positivity in the fitness industry. Yes, it’s FAR from perfect, but it’s gotten so much better than when I started teaching over a decade ago. Body positivity is the norm not the exception, and the idea of working out for happiness, energy, and mental health is becoming way more mainstream. 

But just like anything we spend our dollars on, fitness is an industry. An industry that all too often banks on us feeling bad in order to sell us feeling good.

I wonder, with the skincare industry being as huge as it is, and apps like FaceTune and Photoshop being as accessible and easy to use as they are…will the shape of our skin be the thing the industry banks on in order to keep us coming back?

Will “Perfect Skin” become the new “Perfect Body”?

Is Skin Positivity one of the final sneaky Body Positivity frontiers out there – too subtle to be addressed but obvious enough to make us feel badly about ourselves on the regular?

I don’t have control over an entire industry, but I have control over what I do on my own platforms, literal and figurative. I no longer wear any makeup to teach my classes or to workout on my own. I’m older now, so I’ve got a few fine lines and eye circles and hyperpigmentation.

But if I’m not accepting of myself, in the skin I’m in, how can I ever expect anyone else to be? I’m not in love with my skin all of the time, but I’m too committed to modeling “good form” to let it distract me.

If you’d have told teenage-me I’d willingly get in front of hundreds of people a week with a spotlight on my naked face, I would have shuddered. If you’d have told 14 year-old me I’d be spotlighted on The Cut (bare-faced, in a VIDEO) talking about my skin, I would have straight-up laughed in your face. But I’m so grateful to know my classes and managers don’t care, and so grateful to know there are highly visible pop-culture publications just as dedicated as I am to busting open the myth that the way your skin looks is some sort of indication of how fit you are.


Skin Shame and Skincare Privilege is a real thing – but I’m here to tell you that you do NOT need to spend a ton of money or have airbrushed-flawless skin to glow from the inside out.
Take off the foundation. Let your pores breathe as deep as you breathe during a breathless push or a spinal twist. Model good form. Let’s break the skin shame together.