Feeling unenthused – or just plain confused – about goal-setting this year? This one’s for you. In this solo episode, I share the (awkward and obnoxious) wake-up call my subconscious gave me about my life, and why it’s sometimes the most important to let strategy GO.
It’s the most-used WANT exercise for a reason: it’s unexpected but it WORKS. Going through a major life transition, had a stressful month, or just wanting to take preventative measures to ensure you don’t have a *complete* meltdown when it all eventually feels like too much? You might be in need of a Planned Freak-Out.
In this episode we’ll talk about the origin story of the PFO, why it’s so different than any other goal-setting or self-reflection exercise you’ve done, and we’ll break down how to set yourself up for success in your own structured breakdown.
This episode is in support of She Should Run, a nonpartisan nonprofit promoting leadership and encouraging women from all walks of life to run for office. By encouraging more women to run, She Should Run is building a more effective and representative government that can meet the challenges of the 21st century. To get involved or donate, visitย sheshouldrun.orgย byย clicking here.
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Doesnโt it sound sexy to say what youโre โleaving behindโ in the new year?ย To make a list of what youโre going to stop doing in 2020?ย But itโs not that simple.ย 80% of us fall short on our goals in just a few weeks and use that hiccup to completely lose momentum.
In this episode, we’ll dive into two simple but deceptively impactful exercises to do at the start of the new decade: one to help you reflect on how far you’ve come (and make peace with former aspects of yourself you might be ashamed of), and one to help usher you into a brand new year (or ten).
This episode is in support of She Should Run, a nonpartisan nonprofit promoting leadership and encouraging women from all walks of life to run for office. By encouraging more women to run, She Should Run is building a more effective and representative government that can meet the challenges of the 21st century. To get involved or donate, visitย sheshouldrun.orgย byย clicking here.
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Got “New Year, New You”-itis? The amount of course, programs, and 10-day-whatevers that launch in the new year are way too many to count – and, of course, because our culture is designed to make money off of diet culture and a patriarchy that’s centered around whiteness and privilege, the demeaning language and weight-loss-wonder stories are thrown in our faces.
But not ALL programs that launch at the top of the year are bad and UGH-worthy. And some of us – MANY of us – need the structure and guidance these programs offer to ensure we not only create beneficial habits and practices, but keep them long after a singular goal is reached.
If you love reaching your goals and feeling structured but are vehemently against giving diet culture and racist, patriarchal practices your dollar bills, here are seven programs – focusing on everything from health and happiness, to fitness and values, to career and anti-racism and well beyond – to actually make 2020 your best year yet in a sea of best-years-yet to come:
An important note from Katie: This is quite possibly one of the ONLY courses that uses the word “detox” (more on that later) that I actually endorse. There is NO SHAME in wanting to feel good, period – but during this time of year, companies and coaches will VERY often lean on scare tactics or sneaky diet culture rules that reinforce a good vs. bad mentality.
“4W2W teaches you how to commit to new habits while being gentler with yourself at the same time. Her course covers vice detox (without asking you to spend anything on powders or “cleanses” or even really focus on food that much at all), green beauty, hydration, stress management, sleep hygiene and SO much more. If you have thyroid issues or IBS, you should also know that Phoebe is the resident expert for Hashimotos and SIBO – she’s dealt with both herself and the 4W2W program usually attracts a lot of SIBO Amigos / Hashi Posse members.”
Sign up and use the code WANT when you’re asked how you heard about them! SIGN UP
“A refreshing shift from resolutions, get in alignment around what truly matters within your unique life experience and explore how you can show up for those values in everyday life. Rachel will guide you toward developing a reflective and insightful beginning-of-year map that will connect you with your highest values and the sweet, soft versions of ourselves that deserve priority in the new decade.”
“Seven Weeks to Bliss is an online course created by Mary Beth LaRue and Jacki Carr to share tools to connect you to your unique and self-defined bliss. Each week, dive into a theme that explores a new bliss tool. Inspired by our energy centers, week one is ROOT, week two is EMBODY, week three is CREATE, week four js (SELF) LOVE, week five is SPEAK, week six is SEE and week seven is TRUST.”
“So you’ve realized that as a white woman you’ve got some work to do personally and socially to confront racism and you desire to use your voice for racial justice. That’s fantastic! The goal of this program is to provide you with valuable lessons and tools to move through the process of reckoning with your racism and reconstructing a new way of thinking, being and engaging as a socially conscious, anti-racist woman. You will be stretched you out of your comfort zone of silence, shame, and stagnation to eliminate complicity and complacency with white supremacy.”
“Embrace Change is a 21 day program created by Nicoles Sciacca to be a resource to you as you embark on any life changes. This program provides meditations, yoga classes, and best practices on how to embrace and implement change in your life the right way. Change is inevitable and uncomfortable and incessant, so we might as well start taking an honest look at how we respond to it.”
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“Build relationships online and grow visibility for your business or project. Through this course, you’ll Learn different strategies and tactics from someone who has experience executing outreach for Fortune 500 companies, and her own projects, build a niche and targeted list to reach out to that align with your brand/product/service, and improve your outreach success rate so you can generate links and mentions for your brand, product or service, which in turn can help SEO and general visibility.”
No quotes on this one…because it’s MINE! I created WTRWC because I believe in the power of combining the physical, mental, and emotional. To make progress in any aspect of life, fitness or otherwise, weโve got to shift the way we speak to ourselves. Your mind isnโt separate from your body โ itโs a PART of it. And when you make mindset shifts, the physical ones follow. I created this program for anyone who wants to get out of their own way and build up the confidence to embody what it means to be a RUNNER.
You can expect 12 classes that progress in intensity and duration (think 2-3 minutes more each class, and one small speed progression strategically peppered in at a time), and each class has a motivational or mindset theme that builds on the last โ making this a true mind-body experience.
By the time you finish this entire program, youโll feel confident calling yourself a RUNNER, regardless of numbers or metrics. Youโll walk (or jog or run!) away speaking kindly to yourself, celebrating your strengths, and tapping into a new level of self-love for your body, mind, and spirit.
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Doesnโt it sound sexy to say what youโre โleaving behindโ in the new year? To make a list of what youโre going to stop doing in 2020?
I know it does. Iโve done that before: written down the things Iโm leaving behind, burned them in a fireplace, the whole dramatic deal.
But itโs not that simple. Weโre all human – living not just our high highs and low lows but a whole full spectrum of experience every day. Change is never as easy as leaving something behind and never looking back. Even amongst the most โenlightenedโ of us, itโs very likely weโll inevitably be confronted with or fall back into an old pattern we thought we were done with. Best case scenario, we learn to mindfully navigate the situation and pattern differently each time around. But even so – it’s a two-steps-forward, one-step-back kind of deal. Practice makes progress, not perfect.
What’s more likely iswhat happens to 80% of us: we take that one step back and shame ourselves into submission. When we live in extremes, we don’t leave room for the in-betweens, the lessons learned in those tougher moments. We tell ourselves we’re “so bad,” we messed up, we’re a failure, we can’t do this, and so on and so forth blah blah blah. The moment we create ultimatums in our minds is the moment we set ourselves up for shame and self-doubt in the long run.
In my own work and life, I talk a lot about LETTING GO instead of LEAVING BEHIND. Feels more like accountability to me. Controlling what you can and only what *you* can. Recognizing that something can (and probably will) pop back into your life but you get to choose whether you pick it up or not.
When I coach people to let go of something – a thought, a feeling, a belief, a situation, a person – I always try to frame it so that they’re letting go of it in order to make space for something else SPECIFIC.
Because the thing is: the second you STOP, QUIT, or LEAVE BEHIND…whatโs gonna fill that space? If you donโt know what youโre fighting for, youโre going to end up right back where you began with what youโre fighting against…at the most basic level, if only because itโs familiar.
Try this way more productive formula throughout the year, but especially now as you reflect and project in Resolution Mode:
I am letting go of ((how something affects you or why you do what you do)), so I can ((what that thing holds you back from doing)).
Examples…
INSTEAD OF โI will stop putting others before myself.โ
TRY โI will let go of my need to please others, so I can make room for myself.โ
INSTEAD OF โI am leaving behind toxic people.โ
TRY โI am letting go of excusing bad behavior at my own expense, so I can live out MY journey exactly as itโs intended to unfold.โ
INSTEAD OF “I will quit negative self-talk.”
TRY “I am letting go of my limiting beliefs, so that I can feel confident and grounded.”
Notice this formula doesn’t say you will always do or feel or be that thing you say you’ve been held back from doing/feeling/being. Just like there’s no ultimatums for the negatives, there’s no ultimatums for the positives. The point is to make space and define what you want that space to hold. Not to always make room for yourself, or live out your own journey, or feel confident and grounded, or whatever you created space for. But to state clearly: this is what I want, this is what I’m willing to fight for.
Burn your regrets in the fireplace if you want. Make a dramatic statement if it feels good. But make sure you do this, too. Just know that you’re a person in progress – and your life will be one long loop of letting things go and picking things up along the way. You might not get to choose what enters your world, but you sure as hell can choose what you do with it.
WANT Yourself:ย Now you: What are you letting go of, and what are you making space for?
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“Live Your Purpose.” It’s an easily digestible, hyper-tweetable ism you’ve probably heard or seen everywhere from social media to street art. But what does it actually mean to “live your purpose?” And if a purpose is so easily livable…then why aren’t more people doing it?
Emily Ghosh Harris, founder of SoulMedia and host of The Soul Collective Show, shared with WANT what she notices is missing in the purpose-living process…and some questions we can ask ourselves when we feel stuck in our own way.
Weโre all given an important assignment when we’re born: a core purpose around which our life unfolds. And as we learn lessons along the way, weโre meant to give back and share what we learn with the world. Many of us learn some pretty challenging lessons – and we emerge stronger and more in touch with our soul than before.
Why then, when we have a deep sense of knowing that weโre here for a reason and weโre meant to make an impact, do we have such a difficult time discovering and living our purpose?
~
Is there something holding you back? Look closely. Because the reason you find “living your purpose” so difficult could be that there’s an unfulfilled need or unaddressed wound standing in your way. There’s an existing wound in your history that needs your awareness, compassion and focus so you can transform it, move forward, and fully embrace your lifeโs assignment.
For me, a big wound that was standing in my way was the need for approval. While I founded my company with a strong vision, purpose and intention to positively impact the world, I noticed that I would keep getting pulled into projects that werenโt in full alignment with our mission.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but the reason I kept getting pulled into these projects (that I knew weren’t a fit) was that I was lacking the courage to unapologetically and authentically express my true desires. I was afraid of judgement and disapproval. This resulted in work that was by many measures “successful”…but felt far from the full actualization of what I knew I was here to be doing. I knew in my soul that in order to live my lifeโs purpose, I needed to heal a subconscious need to people please and gain approval from others.
Healing can be challenging. Giving yourself the love you never received as a child, or giving yourself permission to follow your calling, can feel nearly impossible.
In order to heal and transform, we must take a closer, honest look at our wounds and ask:
How am I triggered?
How do my insecurities detract from living my true purpose?
The last question is key. Thereโs a lot of work that needs to be done in the world – and yet, sometimes it feels like we canโt get out of our own way. But underneath the fear, we have a deep desire to reach our greatest potential, and an inner knowing of our capacity to expand and shine our light. As Marianne Williamson says:
โOur deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.”
I knew I needed to give myself the love, approval and permission I was desperately seeking, otherwise I would be constantly distracted and in fear of living and speaking my truth. The only way I could truly fulfill my “assignment” was by looking deeper and finding the courage to be my full self. All of me.
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And so instead of looking at the big picture, I started observing the seemingly small ways I was showing up for myself and others. I started asking myself:
Were you present for a friend today?
Did you practice self love?
Did you try your best?
Did you exercise faith instead of doubt?
How did you stay focused on what matters most to you?
How were you patient with yourself and those whom you love the most?
What are you most grateful for today?
What I discovered is that weโre able to show up with vulnerability and authenticity in life when we learn how to embrace, heal, and fully love ourselves. Once we do, it is truly amazing how deeply we can connect to our purpose and to the world around us.
So if you’re in search of your purpose or trying to discover what your assignment is in this lifetime, look at where you may still have a wound that needs healing. Look at where youโre afraid of being seen. Our purpose is innate to us. It’s at the core of who we are. We just need to give ourselves full permission to show up in the world as ourselves.
About Emily Ghosh Harris:
Emily Ghosh Harris is the Founder and CEO of Soul Media, a socially conscious digital media and experiential marketing firm that inspires genuine, authentic connection and engagement. She is the Host of The Soul Collective, a podcast which explores the fears, challenges, joys and triumphs that unite humanity by interviewing individuals who are living authentic and purpose-filled lives. An entrepreneur, author and speaker, Emily Ghosh Harris has used her own personal pain as a catalyst for growth, igniting a curiosity and deep desire to help others navigate past limiting beliefs and common “freedom blockers” to move into greater peace, authenticity and freedom.
