Jacki Carr is a goal coach, motivational speaker, and leadership consultant. She’s become a highly sought-after pro in her arena who’s helped hundreds of people across the globe not only reach their goals, but actually craft exactly what those goals look like, why they matter, and a path to them that is unique to every single person – personal goals, professional goals, and everything in between.
What I love is that Jacki’s not a life coach, and she’s not a therapist: she’s got a passion for GOAL SETTING and ACHIEVING specifically that just exudes from every single thing she does. I found this episode not just uplifting… but action-inspiring. Listening back on this episode made me reflect on my own goals and visions, and how I can use what I’ve been given to make my own unique impact both personally and professionally. I thought about the stages I’ve been through, and what kinds of changes I might want to make in the future. Hopefully, it’ll do the same for you too.
Like this episode? Shoot me a comment below, leave a review on iTunes, share it on Facebook, tweet it out on Twitter, or post it on Instagram. Be sure to use the hashtags #WANTcast, #womenagainstnegativetalk, and/or #WANTyourself!
'Tis the season for joy, laughter...and a lot of conflicting emotions around family, food, spending, socializing, and more.
Instead of a gift guide this year, I thought I'd give you something you can use through the season and beyond: a field guide of some of our WANT community's favorite tips, tools, and resources to shift your self-talk, especially during the most wonderful time of the year.
Scroll through, then gift this holiday guide to a friend who might need some extra support this season...
SETTING (MINDFUL) BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR FAMILY DURING THE HOLIDAYS + BEYOND
Setting boundaries (mindful boundaries) with our loved ones right now is crucial to not only our sanity, but to our relationships with our relatives. For most of us, we’re only with our extended fam a few times throughout the year, so it’s important that when we're all together, we’re working to build the kinds of relationships – and, so cliché, but the kinds of memories – we want to have.READ MORE ➪
I WAS SO BAD: BREAKING OUT OF FOOD GUILT
Even the teeniest bit of food guilt is more than likely to arise at one point or another, especially during the holidays. To fight against food guilt and fight FOR the body that deserves to be loved (<-yours!), put these three tips to use year-round. READ MORE ➪
AN INTROVERT’S GUIDE TO BEING SOCIAL (WITH SOUL)
Parties make you sweat...but also don't want to miss out on holiday cheer? I hear ya. Introversion and extroversion are not black and white; every single person has a bit of both inside them. The trick is not to try and change yourself into an extrovert or go against what feels true to you – it’s to know how to play up your strengths no matter the situation. Here are 7 ways to stay social while still being true to who you are at your core – no faking required. READ MORE ➪
DO’SHA KNOW: AYURVEDIC STRESS RELIEF 101
Stress is high year-round, but during the holidy months it seems to runneth over. Sahara’s take on stress: find your dosha and go from there. Think this is just another personality test? Ayurveda is about way more than the individual. It’s about living in harmony with the world around you, too. Take the quiz:READ MORE ➪
HOW TO DO A PLANNED FREAK-OUT
I can't get over how many of you have told me that this exercise is LIFE-CHANGING. I don't know about that...but I do know it has prevented many a meltdown in my own life, and also made me stay focused on what really matters. Here's how to do one.READ MORE ➪
ON SPENDING WISELY + LETTING THE GUILT GO
Maybe GIFT-GIVING is your love language. That's totally okay. Here's how to curb mindless spending...and how to check yourself when you're in the midst of "retail therapy."READ MORE ➪
One of the many joys of my childhood was coming downstairs for breakfast on a lazy Sunday and seeing the newspaper parceled out for each family member. My dad got the front pages – the major headlines and serious stuff. My brother always started with the Sports section, which he split with my mom between bites of cereal or an Eggo waffle or a big fluffy cinnamon roll baked fresh from the Farmers Market.
And me? I got to start with the Comics.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved the Calendar section for Arts news and the “Lifestyle” section for the op-eds. Chris Erksine’s weekly column in the LA Times was a staple in my repetoire, and the candor with which he and other columnists (in what I deemed the more “cool” and “down-to-earth” sections of the paper as a young reader) wrote about their small yet mighty life experiences was for sure an influence on my speaking and writing style.
But I found that my tween-ish mind could learn way more from the Comics section than any other part of the newspaper. In just six or so pages of newsprint, I could dive into different worldviews, laugh at jokes that I might not have been deemed “marure enough” to understand IRL, and – my favorite – watch characters, in bite-sized vignettes, put words to what every single adult around me was thinking and not saying. As a highly sensitive person and an empath to the core, I could often feel what adults around me felt. I just wasn’t always able to put it into easily understandable terms. How could I, if no one else around me was even validating that these feelings existed?
What’s more, *I* felt those feelings, too. Stress. Loneliness. Awkwardness. Through comics, I could watch these characters morph and evolve week after week right along with me. They helped me wrap my head around a world that was sometimes a bit overwhelming, and even got me seeing – laughing – at the absurdity of so much of it.
When I think of “The News” migrating from the page to the screen, I always feel a pang of sadness. Yes, of course, because of the value of the printed word…but also because of the immense pleasure of the Sunday comics and the parceled-out paper sections at the breakfast table. The newspaper, and particularly the Comics section helped shape me as not just a writer and artist but as a full human being.
Which is why when I started to discover the vast amount of cartoonists and illustrators on Instagram, my heart felt like it had been reunited with a childhood bestie. But better – because the bulk of the cartoonists I was finding myself drawn to were WOMEN.
The one gripe I have about the Comics section of my youth is how male-dominated it was. Baby Blues, Zits, Mutts, and Momma were my go-tos. When Calvin and Hobbes ran its last strip, I cried. But rarely did any characters look like me sans a token mom or female sidekick – and very rarely was there a woman in the byline. If I wanted a female point of view I really only had Cathy to turn to (who was a badass. for the record).
Today, there are countless female cartoonists and illustrators on Instagram creating witty, poignant work that is HIGHLY relatable whether you’re a woman or not. Their bravery to use their art to tackle mental health issues, take a stand for causes they believe in, and help their followers understand the nuances of what makes each person unique toes the line between art and activism.Their boldness helps me, and others like me, be bold by boiling things down to images that make us FEEL.
I might not have a breakfast table decorated with parceled-out newspaper sections and words and ideas just waiting to be discovered, but I love that social media has allowed the Comics section back into my life – and, what’s more, a brand new Comics section that looks a lot more LIKE my life.
Here are five female Instagram cartoonists and illustrators I’m loving – and think you will, too:
Marzi from Introvert Doodles is the one that started it for me. Her cartoons are always a high point in my day, and get me shouting out “ME TOO!” more times than I can count. But silently, because #introvert. Unless I’m alone. Then out loud. I honestly don’t have adequate words to describe how much I love Introvert Doodles…so go check her out yourself to see what I mean.
Hannah Daisy of @makedaisychains is a mental health activist who uses her #boringselfcare series to remind us all – whether we’re struggling with an illness or are feeling down in the slumps – that no act of self care is too small. She’s helped me “just clean the dishes” or “just do the laundry” multiple times. Because sometimes, those “justs” can feel a lot more than that.
I’m obsessed with Mari’s adorable, quirky, uber-positive (but never saccharine) illustrations. Every time an illustration of hers pops up in my feed, I’m reminded of how many little things there are to smile about – and how many of those little things aren’t really so little at all.
@SarahAndersenComics The comic strips that Sarah Andersen of Sarah’s Scribbles (aka @sarahandersoncomics) draws remind me the mosts of the comics I LOVED as a kid – but even better. Sarah tackles anxiety, periods, dating, and the thoughts we’re all thinking but rarely say out loud. And…her comics make me snort-laugh. Which is very important.
Okay, so Kimothy Joy’s work isn’t so much cartoons or comics as it is illustrations and art. But I love her so much, I couldn’t leave her out of this mix. Her gorgeous paintings and drawings are the perfect merger of art and activism, sharing the wise words of women along with artwork that will make your heart sing. New writing goal? Write something worthy of a Kimothy Joy quote illustration.
NOW YOU: What other female cartoonists, illustrators, and artists are you loving? Who else should our WANT community be following on Instagram? Tell me in the comments below!
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Faking it is the worst. No, matter whether you’re feigning confidence in an interview or fighting off your impulse to hide from adult responsibilities or in the passionate midst of a NSFW sitch, “faking it” feels uncomfortable, guilt-riddled, and, well, fake.
Multiply this by a bajillion if you’re an introvert – and a bajillion more if you’ve just said yes to yet another social invite on the cal.
As an introvert, going to an event or getting yourself into a social situation “just because” is usually a set up for disaster, guilt, and low self-confidence.
So how do you avoid a meltdown…without avoiding a social life at the same time?
On one hand, you’re an introvert through and through…along with about half the population. You gain energy from within yourself instead of from interaction with others in the outside world. You need time to make decisions and mentally rehearse what you want to say, instead of making decisions quickly and thinking out loud.
Most importantly? You have a private self that is only revealed to your inner circle, the people you trust – which can make it hard to want to be social when you don’t know many people.
The people who don’t understand might peg you as aloof or shy.However, you know that shyness and introversion are not the same thing. Shyness is the fear of negative judgment, and introversion is a preference for quiet, minimally stimulating environments – your thoughts and ideas, the way you react to a piece of music or a string of words, that is stimulating enough. You do your best work in your head, with deep reflection. You are truly your own best friend.
On the other hand, just because you’re a bona-fide introvert doesn’t mean you want to shun socializing. And you know, introvert, that being your personality type doesn’t mean you’re necessarily quiet or shy.
As an introvert, you truly enjoy being around others and benefit most from deep connections. Small talk doesn’t really interest you, and the quantity of connections aren’t so much as important to you as the quality. You get high off of those instances that just seem to click – and even though you are at your best when given time alone, sometimes you feel your trait is shutting you off from a whole world that awaits.
We live in a culture that pays the most attention to extroversion: one that tells us that the signs of a thriving personal life are having a large social circle, bustling days filled with activity, and jam-packed nights filled with soirees.
In reality, we actually live in a culture that is FILLED with scenarios made for introverts, from one-on-one interactions to solo commutes to independent choices.
Pop culture caters to extroverts, so you may believe you’re the odd (wo)man out. But introverts are the ones who instinctively know how to navigate the deepest of waters in any social scenario. You’ll gain the most value from your social activities if you not only recognize your strengths, but find a purpose behind why you’re going. Because you, dear Introvert, have so much to add to the world, and every social situation can benefit from your insight and worldview. Introverts instinctively know how to navigate the deepest of waters in any social scenario. Click To Tweet
Here are 7 ways to stay social while still being true to who you are at your core – no faking required:
1.) Enjoy the silence. As an introvert, bustling parties and crowded rooms can be overwhelming – making you shy away from those situations altogether. There will be times, though, you cannot avoid being in the middle of the action or simply don’t want to opt out of every invitation.
Intersperse moments of silence throughout your day, and bookend the event with silence as well. Knowing that you’ll be able to decompress in peace is vital and prevents panic from setting in when you feel like you can’t get away from the literal and metaphorical noise.
2.) Redefine “networking” as “friend-netting.” Don’t worry – I shudder at the thought of “networking,” too. And when you’ve got work functions to attend or mixers you’ve said yes to, it’s easy to feel like a fish out of water.
Instead of focusing on the quantity of people you meet or conversations you have, relish in those one or two meaningful conversations or connections. Instead of networking, find the one or two people that you can devote your focus and attention to. My fiance calls this “friend-netting.” The chances are very slim you’re the only introvert at the party – even if it feels like it at times. Use your killer instinct to find your fellow introverts and maybe even bond over your shared trait.
3.) Ask active questions. One of your strengths is what a wonderful listener you are – and most people love to talk about themselves (not a bad thing – we all love to talk about things we feel we have expertise in, and who is a better expert of ourselves than…ourselves?). Avoid small talk by asking open-ended questions to people you meet, listening carefully, offering up a little piece of information about yourself to form a connection, then ask another question based off the last answer.
For example, instead of asking where someone is from or if they’re been to this person’s party before or if they like the weather or whatever (all of which usually only involve a single word answer), ask how long they’ve lived in your town, how they first met the host, or what they usually do for or love about whatever season you’re in.
4.) Know your yesses – and your nos. What are the qualities you enjoy in an event? What are the things that drain you? Maybe you become anxious and tired at night, but enjoy daytime or afternoon events. Maybe you’re a night owl but any social scenario that takes place before noon makes you cranky. Maybe you don’t bat an eye at parties hosted at someone’s home, but clubs and bars give you goosebumps in a bad way. Know your preferred times of day, locations, days of the week, and other details so that you can make an informed decision about whether to attend or not. If the nos outweigh the yesses by more than two thirds (or even one half), opt out and pat yourself on the back for knowing yourself so well.
5.) Go with a like-minded friend. As an introvert, it’s in your nature to shy away when you sense a highly extroverted personality taking the spotlight. What’s frustrating is not the person herself, it’s that you end up feeling like you’ve put your own personality on hold in order to accommodate someone else – which is usually never an extrovert’s intention to begin with.
Going with a like-minded friend not only evens out the playing field when you’re in group conversations, it ensures you’ll have at least one person to bond with in merriment. Hey, you can even go with a trusted extrovert who gets you and can help take the pressure off being “on.”
6.) Do the coordination yourself. Whether it’s offering up the location of your lunch spot or diving deep and hosting your own soiree, taking charge of the coordination is a secret tool of introverts. If you’re coordinating, it not only gives you a say in choosing an environment/guest list that suits your comfort level (say, a unique hole-in-the-wall coffee shop instead of a loud trendy restaurant). It gives you a sense of purpose…which is key for an introvert’s social fulfillment.
7.) Cut yourself some slack. As author Elaine Aron says in her book The Highly Sensitive Person (someone who is extremely easily affected by their surroundings and emotions – another personality type you very well might possess as an introvert. I do!), everyone is a bit awkward at their non-specialty.
If you find yourself in the middle of small talk or a conversation you’re flubbing up…if you’re slowly gravitating toward the corner and hugging the punch table…ease up on your self-judgement. Your speciality isn’t small talk or big groups, it’s deep conversations and making a small group or one-on-one interaction feel like it’s the biggest, most important interaction there is. And that’s a gift you should never overlook.
Worst case scenario? You get to people watch. And every introvert knows that is a goldmine.
Seven years ago, I was going through a huge life shift. Or, rather, I was about to go through a huge life shift – I just didn’t know it yet.
I had just moved to Venice Beach, gotten a steady job at one of my favorite fitness studios, finally gotten over a rough breakup, and was starting to feel more like myself than ever. I was starting to realize that maybe the life I’d planned out for myself wasn’t the life I was really supposed to lead…and instead of being scary, that glimmer of a thought was actually starting to feel freeing. Basically, all of my channels were open for change – I just didn’t know what was coming next.
It was also around this time I started running. Every week, I’d lace up my New Balances and drive to the long stretch of grass along Ocean Avenue and just go. I’d call them my thinking runs: the time that was just for me, where I could zone out and tune into what my heart was really saying.
One day before a thinking run, I was looking for a way to tune into the radio show I’d been listening to on my drive over (I miss the car radio in NYC!) and came across these new things called “podcasts.” My first observation? There weren’t a lot of female hosts. Finally, I found one. The Goddess Factory by Abiola Abrams. Looked promising. I could get down with goddess talk.
Well, I ended up becoming HOOKED. I found Abiola’s enthusiastic yet no-bs outlook on life just the type of inspiration I needed. It felt like she wasn’t just talking directly TO me, but like she was a friend who was giving me permission to be as passionate, deep, silly, funny, and BIG as I wanted to be. It was just what I needed to catapult me into the next stage of my life, which ultimately, has led me right here. It sounds kinda cheesy to say I couldn’t have done it without her, but honestly – I couldn’t have done it without her.
Abiola Abrams is an award-winning author, advice columnist, motivational speaker, and certified life coach who has given her life-changing advice on networks from MTV and BET to the Discovery Channel and the BBC, as well as being a popular advice columnist for Essence and on sites like Match.com. Her bookThe Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Lovewon Best Self-Help Book at the African American Literary Awards. As what she calls the “Midwife for Your Inspired Life,” her online empowerment programs help women to answer and rock their callings, by turning self-love to self-launch. She is the founder of the women’s empowerment blog and web series on SacredBombshell.com and the podcast Spiritpreneur School, aka – yes – The Goddess Factory. (and yes, I know. She’s a master at naming things. Just you wait ’till you listen to the episode)
I LOVE each twist and turn of this conversation, talking everything from what to do when you feel like other people just don’t quite GET what you’re about yet and sticking to your guns when it seems like everyone else is getting ahead, to getting your voice heard even when other people are trying to manipulate it to their liking along the way. We also talk about being an extroverted introvert and getting swept up in the bigness of whatever’s going on around you, and whether you’re super extroverted or incredibly introverted, how to stay grounded AND enthusiastic even when life is demanding a lot of you (especially when things are really good and borderline overwhelming, which are the times that can sometimes throw us off the most if you’re anything like me).
We seriously could have talked for ages – you’ll hear, her energy and genuine enthusiasm are infectious. Make sure you download this one everywhere you listen to podcasts, because you’re gonna wanna go back and re-listen later. I know I will.
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Like this episode? Shoot me a comment below, leave a review oniTunes, share it onFacebook, tweet it out onTwitter,or post it onInstagram. The more you share, the more Abiola’s message can be heard. Be sure to use the hashtags #WANTcast, #womenagainstnegativetalk, and/or #WANTyourself!
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I walk into a room and can instantly feel whether people are relaxed or tense. I can speak two words to you and feel what’s going on. And you can bet yer bottom dollar that I internalize whatever energy is swirling around me.
For the longest time, I felt like an outsider – and truly weirded out by the fact that things as small as people laying on their car horns in rush-hour traffic would leave me shaken for a good few minutes.
And then I found out that not only was I not alone, but that I could work with what I’ve got – and it was my greatest asset in this world.
If you’ve been reading and listening for a while, it *probably* doesn’t come as a surprise to you that I’m into personality tests, personality indicators, and the psychology behind personality types. I find any chance to learn more about the inner workings of others, and myself, absolutely fascinating.
Then I read a book that was recommended to me called the Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. I think I cried when I read it the first time through. Because again, this was so much of who I was – that I was either trying to fight against or was struggling to understand/make others understand – I had just never had words to describe it.
Introvert, Dear is the #1 website and community dedicated to introverted personality types AND HSPs. This site is followed by literally hundreds of thousands, the community is SO strong, and it’s a resource that’s really helped me when it comes to not just understanding why I am the way I am, but communicating who I am to others (and understanding THEM better, too).
Introvert Dear is the brainchild of Jenn Granneman, a teacher, writer, introvert expert, and fellow INFJ/HSP. So basically, I knew I had to have her on the podcast (especially since I get asked so often what the heck these acronyms even mean).
Here’s the deal, in a nutshell: Myers Briggs personality types are broken down into four components – introverted vs extroverted, intuitive vs sensing, thinking vs feeling, and perceiving vs judging.
A lot of people will just focus on the introvert/extrovert part of the equation, but Myers Briggs, and Jenn’s site, dissects the fine nuance between each specific combination.)
There’s a big theme in this episode of the number one lesson every introvert (and HSP) needs to learn in order to thrive. Even if you’re not either, take a listen – we’ve all got a little bit of introvert in us, and WAY more of us are HSPs than we realize, we just never talk about it.
At the best, you’ll learn about yourself. At the very least, you’ll definitely learn about someone you care about.
Like this episode? Shoot me a comment below, leave a review on iTunes (the more reviews, the more Jenn’s awesomeness is spread), share it on Facebook, tweet it out on Twitter, or post it on Instagram. Be sure to use the hashtags #WANTcast, #womenagainstnegativetalk, and/or #WANTyourself!